Al no saber qué hacer lo llaman esperanza.

For years, I struggled to find answers to some very irritating questions: If I am only one person, how could I play more characters in life, as i do, sometimes in my mind? If I can only have one boyfriend / husband at a time, how will I manage my frustration of being forbidden to go out with someone else even just as friends? How could I live with only one person for the rest of my life? What good can come with that!?
The choice means to exclude other possibilities, so when you choose one person, can you still be very close with someone else?
You pick one mask for the elegant party you're going to, and another one for the gym, and you can't change them during the day. At that moment in time you are only one person. With that strange smile, unequal eyebrows, the way you hold your cigarette, always in your right hand. And so is the one in front of you. Terrifying!
Occasionally I was falling in love with someone who was more desirable in one way or another, but ... without knowing, somewhere along the way I was looking for something else. I was fascinated by everything that was new. New was giving me hope.

Now....

... I want to be there for those who need me. Old friends or new friends. Or even people who never really liked me. But first I need to feel better.

My friend thinks I'm making myself sick by being so depressed. Maybe. I only know I spent my 3 days off in bed and on the sofa. Writing or reading. And asking myself why in the world I'm so open with people and how come I hurt myself everytime.

My body decided to give up on me as well :-) I'm weak. Can barely walk cause I can't eat anything. I'll be fine by tonight!

I have to. Can't let people down.

Cx