Somewhere between the restless nature of my being and the 12 o clock that marks the begining of the 28th day of January, also known as my birthday, I found myself trying to write. Again.
I have no plans for next year. Not even for tomorrow. The reality of not knowing what's gonna happen was allways annoying but this time I said no. I don't want plans.
I was unable to do so for a while.
I felt drained of emotion, vibration and creativity. I saw my thoughts breaking long before I was even able to translate them into beautiful words for my virtual sheet.
I guess I needed to be just with myself or only with people I can be myself around.
...and my writing was always my favorite way of "talking". And now I'm talking. About life. About how life itself is a gift, but it's a fight and it's like a treasure. It's struggle and dispair, joy and harmony and sometimes, if you're anything like me, it's a war with yourself.
And out of everything, love is the only thing that can last more than life itself.
In this century of speed and neurosis, the greatest danger is to love fast, burn it quickly, suffer fast and forget everything as soon as possible.
When I was in love, I suffered the most, but that was the time when my fingers were typing lovely words everyday.
Now back to this year... for a long time I was annoyed. For being around one person. Because I knew, at any moment, they could just see through me. That made me feel vulnerable =>> total bitch. And what am I doing now? I'm learning to live with it.
I'm gonna be 22 in two hours.... How am I gonna deal with that!?!?!?
28.01.2011
I have no plans for next year. Not even for tomorrow. The reality of not knowing what's gonna happen was allways annoying but this time I said no. I don't want plans.
LOVE or WISDOM. Between these two extremes I live my life.
I look back and I want to live it all again. Identical.
I would live again every moment, every pain, every smile, every word. I would choose the same friends, to live again every disappointment that made me strong.
I would write, I would love, I would pray and I would believe in God.
I'm 21 today ... SOUL AND BONES. I love, I live and I suffer just as much as I need to. Not a desirable destiny. But it's the way I like it.
28.01.2010
I'm 20 years old. I think I am old.
Until recently my soul was indignant, shelter for passion and controversy and I had nerves and energy to start wars with any risk. Today I'm opaque in front of those risks. I had hopes and dreams. Now I only have truths. I had the strength to revive bright and confident from any failure and I was always a support for those who needed me. I thought is better to love than to understand. Now I want to know better and that's why I love less...everything. I was happy when I was surrounded by people...now my solitude is the joy to be with myself and the privilege not to be with others...
The rest is a continuous struggle. Live fast and die young. With no regrets.
28.01.2009
