Schizophrenic lines

Hold me down!
I'm ready to jump, to fuck up my brain, to stretch my wrinkles with an iron!!! You just stay there with that first aid kit you always seem to have in your pocket when I come to see you, cause I don't know how and when I'm gonna get tired of myself.

I'll trust you, so I'm gonna close my eyes and just go on about it.
I'm gonna swear I'm not the one who jumps at my own throat with a knife everytime I fuck up, I'm gonna scream and blame and threaten, I'm gonna see black from the anger and red from the blood.
And then I'll leave, I'll go home and then back to work and no one's gonna realize my mind's just a little bit lighter than yesterday and my smile's different.
I'm not easy to deal with. I want things done my way when it comes to work and I want everyone to know I don't like them to get to close to me. I become this weird me everytime that happens and I snap. I hate it when people see you angry and they come to hug you! WTF is that? Take the hint! I don't want you anywhere near me!
And then you'll look at me, I'll look at you and I'll know that for some reason you started hating me.

You know, I tried to end myself a million times in every way possible, and then I realized I'm alive and I didn't have a heart attack while I was falling. But I did break my neck. And then I'll find someone who's gonna try to help me heal my wounds. And then I'll tell myself that no one's ever done that for me.

I was a little bit drunk last night.
I don't remember writing this.
I'm intrigued.

Cx