Independence Moment

I was staring at that red light.
The traffic lights in Great Eastern Street. It felt like i was being emptied of thoughts, hopes and illusions, plans and ideas and all there was left in me was this very calm feeling I didn't recognize. Yes, I was empty and I couldn't figure out why. But it numbed my breath and stopped my heart every 2 seconds.

Where was the voice that always told me to try again?
Where were the eyes that watched my life like it was a bad film?
Where was everything that made me react every moment of my life? Where was the idea that if I smile everything's gonna be better?


I was weird. No love or passion around. No enthusiasm to push me forward, and everything that made me be and function was either broken or it just wasn't there anymore. I was asking for something that was never meant to be mine, I was trying and failing in pretty much everything... I was looking at people thinking I have nothing to offer them. The idea that somehow I could get to him was gone and the last door I've knocked on was locked as well.
There was only me. Naked. Unable to want or lie. Felt like I was walking around with no clothes or make up on. I couldn't hide anymore and had to find a way to get to the me I like.

And then the light went green and it made me realize just how addicted to that "Me", I was.

Cx.