Happy

Everyone wants to be happy, but no one can actually see what would make them happy, what would make their life happy... It would be a lot easier if we had only two clear options. Be happy and be unhappy. 

Hahaha, kind of like in that math I hated so much In school: 

2 + x = 4

x = 4 - 2

X = 2

One clear process to find out what you need to find out.  But no, there's nothing like that and what if everything that's there is messing us about? There's risk in the decisions we make, there's indecision, there's fear of the unknown.

Seems to me that the more you want that happiness, the harder it is to be happy. Maybe if you'd stop thinking about it you'd get there... Maybe if you'd just live without expecting anything.... I don't know...

There's are some happy people. Their life is just clear, easy... A life hard for me to imagine, since I live in this painful contradiction with constant chaos in my soul... But does that mean they're living? It's a life with no worries what you really want? A life where everything's bright and shiny? I'm not sure that's my happiness, tho...

My happiness is infinite heart, strong feelings, living so intense that I can actually touch the seconds when life surprises me. Is to believe there is no good or bad and to be able to get over anything that keeps me small. 

But life fools you with some moments when you only think you are happy and then you keep trying to make them last or get them back.

What stops us from believing that happiness is living with an honest soul, beyond fear and desire and makes us think is something we can feel touching our skin?

Cx