Saturday, August 11, 2012

Writing about writers?

Do you know what I need? 
Someone who's annoyingly passionate about whatever they're doing.

Street lights. Two months into the summer and there's me going to the shop in the middle of the night. 
I realized I don't need anything more than this virtual sheet I'm writing on. 
I looked around and wondered how many of these people in asda were happy. How many were planning to be happy tomorrow? 

No! I'm gonna stop thinking. I'm not gonna make plans and I'm not gonna hope. 

I was happy at a time when I was the most depressed person in the world. I was angry and I was crying, I was scared and I was constantly lying to myself just so I can convince everyone else that I was fine. I'm done with that. I deserve more.

(Oh man, walking around and writing a blog at the same time can cause accidents. I think I broke my toes.)

Back to the amazing writers I love.
I can just turn around and become Alexei and talk about my brothers suffering with so much calm, I even scare myself. 
Alexei and Dimitri are sitting at that round table with the prince and Nastasia Filipovna. She has black eyes and a sad smile on her lips. They recognize each other.

Oh, Dostoyevsky is incredible. 

Why am I not living my life the way I live these books?!

There's this man I know.
And I  listen to him everyday and everyday I find something new going on in those songs. The meaning changes everyday till I find myself face to face with the "oh - what did you mean by that?" question. 


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